Asian Parents

Asian

Asian parents think they have total rights over their children, like a trademark. 

Give birth to them, bring them up and control them until they die (whomever comes first  )

From education, to marriages, from life changing decisions to a simple thing like buying a car, every single major or minor decision the parents have to have a say, or more accurately the only say.

And if children do not follow what parents say be it right or wrong they’re labelled as “ungrateful”

How many times have we been dealt this card? “Do it my way or   

“Do it this way or “ 

It’s the Asian mentality.

From young we are taught “ respect your elders “. “Obey your parents “ 

Hey aren’t elders and parents humans too? Do they not make mistakes and wrong decisions? 

So why is it that everything they do is right and everything we do is wrong.

Try saying anything to them and they jump down our throats.

How about this? 

Teach the younger generation to respect everyone not just the elders. And obey your parents only to a reasonable extent. 

What’s the point of turning legal if you’re not allowed to make your own decisions and your own mistakes? 

The line is drawn when they insist on  deciding your career, your future spouse, your house, how you spend your money and the list goes on. 

It is up to us, the current younger generation to not do the same to our kids in future. Because it is high time the cycle of “Asian parenting” is broken. 

Mum Guilt- my take on it

Guilt, an emotion that toys with your mind, and everyone surely has had that moment of guilt that kept playing in your head again and again like a spoilt tape recorder(a phrase my husband loves to say about me🤣)

To me there are 2 kinds of guilt, one guilt when you have done something and Nth bad has come out of it YET but u start feeling guilty anyway. ( think buying a Chanel bag😝)

The second kind of guilt is the most painful where something has already happened and you can’t do anything to change it, so ur mind keeps saying “what if, what if” 

Just a moment, did I just say (or rather write ) two kinds of guilt? 

Looks like I completely forgot the third and the most pressing kind of guilt. Mum guilt.

Ahhh, where do I start going on about that? Anything and everything that you do as a mum can lead to this horrible feeling.

She fell down while I was playing with my phone.

She cried and I could do nth to stop her.

I can never manage to put her to sleep, but someone else always can

I am working and someone else is taking care of her

Is she getting enough? 

Gosh, the list never ends. I would know, being a mother myself. The funny thing is my husband never feels it. Ok maybe never is an overstatement; but then again I’m pretty sure it’s like never.

And when I go to him, with this set of “guilt problems” he looks at me in an absurd way thinking that what is wrong with this woman🤣

Hey, but I’m not the only one here. I’ve realised it’s a women thing, hence mum guilt. And many a time’s we just feel guilty about nth, we just have a tendency to blame ourselves when it was unavoidable. We just want to take the weight of the world on our shoulders ( weight of child in this case 😅) 

So the question is how do we overcome it? 

To be entirely honest, I don’t think this can be entirely overcome. 

No matter what we will not be able to get rid of it, but there are definitely steps that can be taken.

  1. Talk to someone, preferably your husband

    

      Why you may wonder? First of all talking itself releases the guilt. Secondly your husband I presume is the one closest to you and probably knows exactly what is going on and most likely is not in any way feeling guilty. This will help ease your guilt.

2 Talk to other mothers

Isn’t this counterintuitive? Well maybe not. Talking to other mothers especially to those who have gone “through it all” they will tell you that a lot of times this feeling of guilt is just an exaggerated feeling and “all their children turned out fine” 

3 Consult a professional 

By a professional I mean your paediatrician. A lot of times this feelings of guilt has got to do with being a new mother and “not knowing” exactly what to feed, methods of comfort etc.

And the best person to advise you on all health matters is your paediatrician.

Stick to one if possible, in that way if anything comes up it will be easy for you and your baby 🙂

  1. Talk to yourself 

Yes, sit yourself down and ask yourself this question. Are you being unreasonable? Are your feelings of guilt uncalled for? There is a chance that somewhere in there, your sane pre mother self will tell you “ you are just having mum guilt” 

I know in the above, a lot of it has only got to do with talking. But as I have written earlier it’s because a lot of mum guilt is an over exaggerated feeling of anxiety and the best cure is talking it out.

Tell me, do you have any other coping mechanisms with mum guilt? 

Feel free to share below in the comments 🙂